Oh the life of an ER employee...

I work as a registrar in an Emergency Room and, as you can imagine, I see plenty of interesting things. Now, although I love Kentucky with all of my heart, this state possesses some of the most ridiculous and redneck caricatures I have seen in my lifetime. It seems as if all of the toothless, dirty, stinking, inbred life of Kentucky crawls from their hiding places just to make a trip to this ER. Granted, sometimes our patients are absolutely wonderful, but sometimes I just can't believe some of the things that walk through (or all-too-often, into) these sliding glass doors.

So here are a few of the most memorable types of patients... (don't worry, for all of you HIPPA advocates, there will be no major details released, just my experiences in a very vague form.)

1. Polar-Pop Prince/Princess

    --Now these people are the most common and they crack me up. They come to the ER because of their idiotic emergent situations, yet whatever brought them here was not nearly as important as it was for them to stop at the local Circle K and grab themselves a polar-pop beforehand. They hobble in here with their "ailments" and then plop that gynormous drink right down on my window ledge before proceeding to tell me all of their woes and aches...yeah, right.

2. The Extremely Zealous Actors

     --These are the loudest, most ridiculous patients of all. They scream, squall, crawl, roll, groan, moan, "convulse" and act absolutely hysterical...but only when people are looking. As soon as they no longer have eyes on them, their ailments mysteriously disappear. Go figure. I've even been standing outside the ER on a break and I have watched the metamorphosis from vehicle to ER entrance as seemingly healthy beings emerge from their transportation and slowly digress into crippled souls on their way to the door. The transformation is amazing really.

3. Pain Meds, Pain Meds, Pain Meds...

     --Unfortunately, the addiction to pain medication is far too common in the Appalachian region. People come here from miles around to be seen in our ER for the soul purpose of scoring some pain meds. Now, some hide their intentions well, but others drop every hint in the book. For example: not always, but almost every time someone comes in complaining of a "toothache", that's what they're here for. A toothache is in no way an Emergent situation...so why come to the ER for it? Other people start talking about how they have a driver with them...that's also a dead give-away. Or the ones who just say, "I need somethin' fer pain. I run outta my meds..." At least they're straight up about it. And then there are those who tell the nurses they are allergic to every possible medication that is a non-narcotic pain reliever... You've got to give them some props...they have done their research.

So there you have it! It's always a pleasure to share in my disdain for the so-called "sick" that come in here. This ER is for people who are truly, honestly in need of it, yet, more often than not, it is abused by those who don't really need it. They come in here demanding treatment for their non-urgent complaints and then get peeved when we don't rush them back immediately because someone who actually needs to be here came in the door. It's awful really, the way these people act...thus my soap box moment.